Warning: Perfect egg sandwich may contain runny yolk!

This is NOT a hot take on the best egg sandwich. (Or is it?)

I generally avoid arguments about food. They’re far too personal. Unfortunately—I suppose because I’m a food writer—people like to seek me out from time to time and shout their hot takes about the best ramen, smash burgers and tavern-style pizzas they come across. 

Is it validation they’re after? Or simply the opportunity to flex on a poor, non-confrontational writer? In either case, I tend to reply the way one might upon receiving unsolicited advice about whether or not to have kids or get married: “Thanks for the feedback!” or, “You make some strong points here!” 

All that is to say, I’m not here to offer a hot take about Chicago’s best egg sandwich, though I may have found my favorite, at a glorious little cafe and bakery called Loaf Lounge in the city’s Avondale neighborhood. This one starts with a pillowy, housemade English muffin that’s griddled in butter and smeared with herby mayo. Next comes an easy-ish egg, a breakfast sausage patty or small heap of vinegary-sweet, braised kale and pickled mushrooms, and an oozy square of American cheese to finish. 

It’s a decadent little thing, set on a checkerboard-print paper in a plastic basket. I like cradling it with both hands even though it only requires one; the first bite releases a golden river of yolk, through which I drag every subsequent bite. The muffin’s irregular structure stretches like a mini trampoline to keep the fillings intact. Its griddled edges lend just enough crunch. 

There are a few elements that make this the sort of egg sandwich I’d defend as ideal, though probably with less vigor than some. Firstly, an English muffin might be the best egg sandwich vehicle because it’s tender, nooked and crannied—not to mention egg sized (how cute!). I’d also argue that minimal, usually cooked toppings stay intact better than too many raw, slippery ones. As to the most controversial matter of this particular build, the runny yolk, I will say this: An egg sandwich doesn’t have to be self-saucing to be great; I just prefer it that way. 

Loaf Lounge has clearly faced a little drama on the latter, evidenced by a tacked-on addendum to its marquee menu of breakfast sandwiches, which reads: “IF YOU PREFER YOUR EGG NOT-RUNNY, PLEASE ASK FOR SCRAMBLED OR OVER-HARD.” 

I like to imagine the theatrical worst-case scenario that led to the decision by the owners to add this all-caps disclaimer, which plays out a little like the first half of an infomercial for insertable milk spouts. 

“Tired of opening your milk like this?” the narrator asks incredulously, while some hapless bloke rips the entire top half of the milk carton off, sending milk spraying all over himself and the counter. “Try this insertable spout for four easy payments of $19.95!”

“Tired of biting into your perfect egg sandwich only to have this happen?” Cue a dozen hapless customers, innocently disrobing their egg sandwiches and going in for that first bite. Suddenly, yolk launches out as if from a firehose, coating their faces and caking their clothes.

“If only there were another way to enjoy an egg sandwich!” ones cries in exasperation. They blindly storm the counter for answers as they wipe yolk from their eyes; Loaf Lounge devolves into chaos.

Of course, when I asked co-owner Ben Lustbader why they added the egg cookery clause, his reply was far less theatrical.

“Short answer is yes, I do think some people were taken by surprise before we posted the disclaimer, and we do try to consider people's expectations,” he said.

He likes a runny yolk too, though the goal is a hair past over easy. “I love breakfast sandwiches, and I love to eat them in my car, so I try to describe it to our cooks in terms of making that possible.” 

What a minefield to wade into the treacherous waters of highly personal foods. One person’s perfect egg sandwich is another’s “surprise,” tinged with varying degrees of unpleasantness or drama. Then again, seeing how Lustbader and co-owner Sarah Mispagel-Lustbader are gifted chefs, Loaf Lounge’s scrambled version isn’t any old afterthought; rather a flat omelet with a double fold layered with pieces of American cheese. Or as Lustbader puts it, “a pie-shaped wedge of egg laminated with cheese that is a perfect size for the muffin or roll.”

Every time I get in line, I tell myself today’s the day I’ll try that laminated omelet version. But my perfect, runny egg sandwich always wins. Should this be the day I take a face full of yolk, I can’t say I wasn’t warned.